Mistakes, an act of judgment that is misguided or wrong. Mistake has many types. first, when a mistake happens without our knowledge that we are making a Mistake. second, when we trying something new. Third, when we made a mistake, and hide it from others for not to hurt them. Fourth, when we made a mistake and didn’t even hide it, and expect that it has no consequences.
People made a lot of Mistakes but we all know life has no eraser. even a genius made a mistake when trying something new. everyone has their own stories about their mistakes. I have a lot of stories, but the biggest mistake I made, is to test my love or use that love, hurt the person who loves me, believe me, and I didn’t give a fuck what she feels.
when these mistakes have consequences a hopeless situation surrounded me, I want my love back on any price, but she was gone. This situation is not what I want but it is the one I created.
Hopeless, a word that is hollow in itself, so when it attached with a person, that person hollowed, empty, alone same as this word.
Now this word attached to me, I’m hopeless but trying to gather my strength to look into her eyes, and not to show pain to her or anyone, shedding tears alone but smile when she is around. this story has everything love, lust and then my Mistake and betrayal, and her loyalty and consequences of my Mistakes.
A perfect sunny day in winter is like a piece of cake when we are hungry, and this day a perfect sunny day with blue sky without any screaming thunderstorms, a week passed away after my breakup and for whole week I didn’t come out of my room, winter in Shimla known as a romantic weather for couples or lover, and from the day winter start coming this year, clouds starts hovering over my relation and until snow starts falling, nothing remains in three years relationship even ashes. A whole week I sat down in front of my window and looked at falling bleach white snow, seven days enough time to remember three years, love loyalty mistakes and betrayal, this love story starts at the end days of high school, a simple high school love story, where we didn’t give a fuck what is love? but here we learn how to love, final exams of high schools were just a few days away, everyone had kept their heads inside their books, students like me who never attend their classes and hate the smell of books, they were also licking the books.
Riva topper of our class, an encyclopedia of high school examination, a bookworm. whenever she was around me, the smell of old books penetrates inside my nose. I hate her. every time I got a chance I used to tease her for being a bookworm. in examination days my mathematics teacher makes pairs of students, a good student with a poor student to help him with studies. And my bad luck I got paired with Riva, I knew she hates it more than I do. first few days we sit together until the teacher was there, and when there was no one around we have changed our seats, but when the exam starts coming near and near, I started taking her help. The first time when I asked her help with a maths problem, I ashamed. but slowly I used to it and soon we became friends, we started sharing our lunch box, and even in breaks, we accompany each other.
my friends start teasing me with her name, this makes me think about her, her black tied hair wrapped in oil, her dreamy bliss brown eyes, her heart-shaped puffy lips, they were kissing inspiring and satin soft. she had a perfectly shaped figure, glossy skin, slender eyebrows, attract me towards her.
now I started talking to her more than usual, we discussed our life more than the exams. we exchanged our mobile numbers and start talking in nights. I asked her, is she have a crush on someone? she said she has for many years but she never told him or anyone about it. I asked his name but she didn’t tell me and promise that she would, after exams. but I didn’t stop asking her, I don’t know why, I think jealousy, I jealous from him whoever he is. in the meantime our exam starts. we stopped coming to school except on exam days, but this did not create distances between us, these days help us coming nearer to each other. before the last exam, I again asked her about her crush. she said to wait for a few more days, but when I resist, she agreed to tell me about him but on call.
I went to my home and without eating my lunch, changing my dress, I called her, she picked up it on the first ring, “looking very excited to tell me his name”.
” I’m always excited about him, but why you are,” she said. I don’t have an answer.
“wanna know the choice of a bookworm”, I pressured her to tell me.
she asked me to keep it secret and don’t to judge her like a boy, but as a friend. I agreed.
“Lucky” this shocked me but it was the name I want to hear. I asked “Lucky is anyone from your relative’s town” she didn’t speak anything, two minutes silence on call looks like a lifelong silence.
“sorry, for hurting you, but it was not my intention, I know I was not your type that’s why I never told you or anyone,” she said breaking the silence.
“you are right Riva, you’re not my type, but who gives a fuck to these types, we always attracted to a person who is opposite to us, if we look at the person of the same type then boys should marry boys and girls with girls.” we both laughed and from here our journey starts.
every morning when I wake up, a message flashed on my mobile screen ” I love you lucky, Miss you, babe, Good morning Jaan” and at night my mobile full with notifications of her same messages “love u, baby, have your dinner, hows your day, missed me or not, good night sweet dreams and don’t forget to meet me in your dreams” its been my routine for the next three years until my breakup.
first two months of our relationship we met each other three times. one on our last exam and two times after that. These two months no one knows about our relationship. After two months when we joined college, it started a new phase of this relationship, in starting days we both hang out with each other but when my friends started teasing me, I make many excuses with her. I met her every day but our meeting was nothing more than a hi and a bye. but after college, we talked for hours on call. Riva knows why I ignored her but she never resists.
10 months passed, everything seems fine, but now teasing of my friends went to a higher level. They started asking about more personal things, we kissed or not? Did I touched her boobs or not? I saw her nude or just masturbate by looking her face. They said many more things, and it encourages me to take the next step in this relationship.
Once I called her in the night and asked her for a kiss she agreed, and the next day we came to college an hour early, and we went to our classroom. it was empty, I grabbed her waist, and pulled her towards a bench, and said I love you Riva in a low seducing voice, she replied I love you too lucky. Riva submitted herself to me. she closed her eyes and as I leaned over her she lays slowly over the bench and slowly my lips went towards her lips but a dread of kissing the first time came over me and I kissed on her left cheek. I gather strength again and this time my lips touched her lips. she was shivering with this soft touch and taste of her lipstick dissolve in my mouth. I laid on her like a blanket, I bite on her lower lip, and my tongue enters her mouth. Riva didn’t show much reaction. I started kissing her neck as my lips move down to her breast, she hugged me tightly and tears came out from her eyes. I hugged her with the same tightness for a few minutes and then both went to college ground, that day we didn’t attend a single class, although it was our first kissing experience. It was different, excited and frightened. our heart beats not slowed down for the whole day. when Riva stops crying, I asked her how she felt? she said she was Afraid, and start fighting that she said yes only for a kiss, not for a french kiss. This was the very first time I ever kissed a girl and after this, it was included in our routine for the next few months when we got chance we kissed. my friends still teased me but I never told them about our kiss, our bond becomes stronger with this kiss.
a year completed to our relationship and after exams, the college had vacations. we both again meet very rarely. on phone call this relationship went to a new phase, we both opened to each other, I asked her about her inner clothes, which colour bra and panty she wearing, size of her bra, did she ever touched her boobs, and after a few days I asked her to send me her pictures in bra and panty, on which she resists and didn’t send. I started telling her about masturbation, and what I think about her while masturbating, starts sending her my nude pictures and sex clips.
until college restarted our relationship changed in every aspect, on the very first day of college we came early and kissed in the classroom, it was not a kiss, it was more than a kiss, from her lips I came to her breast, I pulled off her top to neck and licked her breast, touched her, played with them and Riva didn’t stop me, her hands playing with my hairs and pressed my head on her breast, my hands pressed her ass, but she stopped my hands to go further, but I lose control over myself and didn’t stop, I touched her over her jeans, but she didn’t allow me to open that, for the next 2 months we kissed and touched each other when we got a chance.
after two months we got a chance when our class went on a picnic trip for two days. We both lied at home that we were going on the trip, and instead of that, we went to Manali. we had two days and two nights alone without any disturbance. I booked a hotel online and after a week we went to Manali, as per our plan. This was an exciting journey of my lifetime, I never forget it, when she holds my hand tightly and slept by keeping her head on my shoulder, I kept my head on her. we both were fully exhausted by this journey, we went to the hotel, I slept on the bed, Riva went to the bathroom for a shower. I didn’t realize when I slept, but when my eyes opened Riva was seating beside me and watching tv. first time I saw her in wet and open hairs, drops of water sliding through her hairs to her neck into her cleavage, that time she looks lethally hot, a bomb, exploding any time, I never imagined her so hot and sexy, her baby pink deep neck t-shirt glowing her face, I put my hand on her waist and pull her on me,
“lucky please take a shower, you smelling sweat babe,” she said,
I smiled, and hugged her tightly and said “I think we both need a shower and together”,
“I already took baby and don’t have any interest in another one and especially not with you,” she said and tossed a damp towel on my face, it smelled like her,
“This towel is luckier than me, every day it touched you everywhere, I’m jealous, but tonight is my night”,
“shut up lucky, I will not let you touch anywhere”
“you don’t !!”
“Till you take a shower” and she smiled
“lucky, tonight is your lucky night” I screamed and jumped over her, she pushed me aside and said “shower first”, I kissed on her chick and went to the bathroom, its night already.
after a shower, we ordered our dinner. by the time dinner came we kissed, but Riva stopped me to do anything more, but I did not have any control over myself. every time I kissed her, I bite, her lips, her cheeks, her neck everywhere. around 9 o’clock, a serviceman came with our dinner.
As soon we finished our dinner, I jumped on her and hugged her tightly, I feel her soft breast crushed on my chest. This touch was enough to boil my hormones.
“I love you Riva”, I said
“Yeah, I could feel your love getting hard” I looked in her eyes and she was looking at me with a smile of an angel. I couldn’t control and pushed her on the bed and jumped on her. I started smooching her widely, playing with her hairs. my tongue rolled deep to explore her mouth, my teeth busy biting her lips.
I started discovering her heavenly body with my hands as I roamed my hand all over her body to feel her curves and flesh. After 2-3 minutes of kissing, I broke the kiss and went down towards her neck. I gave her strong love bites leaving her moaning in pain. She was getting horny now and she joined the act when she pushed my head towards her navel. I knew I was on the right track.
I picked her up and removed her t-shirt. she wears a black bra. she knows black make me wild, I was hungry to eat them and I dug my mouth in her navel. I started smooching her wildly, giving bites everywhere. She was in heaven.
Giving it all the love of my mouth and tongue. She was very horny and rolled her legs around my waist. I knew I was pressing right buttons at right time. I moved downwards and ate her belly button. It was deep and I kissed it passionately. She rose her hips in pleasure. I slowly took my hands towards her pant and unbuttoned it. She looked down at me with an eye full of hunger, an eye full of lust.
our lust and hunger for each other floating like a river, that night still fresh in my memories, she was mine and I was her. I never forget the line which she said that night “Today, you made me yours for forever”.
Manali was the most beautiful place for me from that night. if ever I need to choose between heaven and Manali I will choose Manali.
we stay two more days in Manali, and after that, we went back to Shimla. And that love, attraction, care lost somewhere in Manali.
After Manali, we famous in college everyone knows our relation. first few weeks we both stayed together, and then quietly and quickly a wall became between us, she called me 100 times then I answered a call, in college I met her only for showcase, the excitement to talk to her, to meet her, lost, everything lost, I shouted at her when she begged to talk.
The second year of college passed like this, I stopped caring about her, about her feelings. making many excuses for not talk to her, and looking for new girls in college and facebook. chatting with them for nights, Riva knows everything and she alone shed tears, without showing her pain to anyone. Many times she questioned me about our relationship, about the direction it was going, sometimes she asked for the breakup if I was not happy, she set me free to go. but I was feared to lose her, and be with her I don’t know why it was so difficult for me.
The third year of our relation and third year of our college came with the last chapter of our relation. The beginning of this year was not different from the end of last year. still, she begged for talk and I still ignored her. I was busy with my new girlfriends, I have sex with 2 more girls after Riva.
starting of the second year and third year was opposite to each other, but it had something more. after few weeks passed, Riva stopped calling me, in college when I saw her she ignored me, she changed completely. it made me restless, I don’t know why. it was exactly what I want, but now I want to know Why and How. in a few days I again started taking interest in her life, I called her many times but she rejected my call every time.
so I planned to catch her in class. next day after last class I stopped her in the classroom. I asked her, almost shouted at her why she ignored me and, she replied that she never ignored me but I did, she respects my feelings so she stopped begging to talk.
our discussion was in middle and a boy enters into the classroom, “hey Riva I’m looking for you outside and you still in class”, the boy said.
“sorry, Abhi” she replied to that boy. Abhi, I know this guy from the first day of college, he was the topper of class with Riva,
“why he was waiting for you?” I utter these words without thinking anything.
“Lucky, he is my friend and helps me with everything” she replied, “what you want, that I live alone as your property and you flirt with every girl”, she looked into my eyes, I don’t have an answer for her question. I hugged her and tears starts shedding from my eyes, “please give me a last chance, I swear I never hurt you again, I love you, Riva.”
she took my face in her hands and wiped down my tears, “I love you too, Lucky” and hugged me tightly. we kissed in front of Abhi, without caring about anything. This was the last time we kissed.
she gives another chance to me to our relationship but it wasn’t like before. she was not interested in talking to me, in every topic Abhi was there, she spends more time with Abhi in college, when I asked her to go somewhere, she makes excuses of class and many times said Abhi will be waiting for her. she cared Abhi more than me and I begged her to talk to me.
four months passed, this relation had nothing left for me. last Sunday she called me, “Hi Lucky, hows you,” she said
“fine, and you”I replied
“more than that,” she said, “what happened, won any lottery !!” I asked
“Lucky, I want to admit something, please don’t be angry” these lines of her enough for a heart attack, this felt like a bad dream came alive. “okay, why I will”
“Lucky,” she said and paused “Lucky, today I went with Abhi on lunch and…. and he proposed me”
I already saw this coming, but I was helpless, I tried everything to stop this but I can’t.
“you didn’t tell me about your lunch plan,” I said
“sorry, I think, I forget” she replied
“you seem to happy with this, and if you are happy, I have no issue with this” I replied
“if you have any problem, I will stay with you,” she said
“Riva, I love you, and sorry for everything, for every mistake, Abhi is better than me and best for you, and same as your type” I tried to laugh, but its hard, I felt a rock crushing my heart, I want to cry but tears didn’t come out,
“Thanks, Lucky, I already know, that you will understand me,” she said
“Congrats to you for your new relation, and say congrats to Abhi from my side,” I said,
“he is calling me, I connect conference and you say yourself”
“No, thanks Riva, but I can’t, you talk to him, bye”
she said something but I hung up the call without listening to her,
seven days passed after that call and I broke my sim card and didn’t go to college. I have no courage to saw her with anyone else. I can’t face the consequences of my mistakes. I’m alone, sitting on the window looking at falling snow. memories of past, moments we shared, her face, her smile, is now my companion in this hopeless situation.
This is not the situation I want but I created it myself. Riva left me, is not the thing she did, but it was the situation I create for her and for me. I know I have to face her sooner or later, and this creates a more complicated situation. I want to talk to her but I controlled myself, if I met her, I lose myself, and again begged for love. I know she can’t see me crying, but I do not want to take away her happiness for mine.
I try to make myself stronger, I don’t know how much more days it takes, but until I felt ready to face her, I didn’t go to college till then.